A terrible sad day for me

i miss my children. i miss my sons. i miss them all the time. there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t think about them and wish i could touch them or talk to them like i used to. most days i can handle it. i have lots of stuff to keep me busy, but then there are terrible sad days like this one. i can’t even call them, because i don’t want to be crying all over them but there is no way i could get through a conversation with them without crying. i haven’t seen them for 3 months. and i won’t get to see them again until thanksgiving. i know it was my choice to move so far away, but i just didn’t realize it would be so hard. well, that’s not exactly right – i did know it would be hard, i just really thought i was going to get to see them this summer – have them here for a few months before we had to do so much time apart.

how do people do this? how do they stay so far away and not go crazy? i am so afraid that by the time i get to see them again, i won’t even recognize them – 7 months in the life of a teenage boy is a long time – lots of things happen. i hate my ex-husband for dragging me off to vegas – to a place i hate, can’t stand and don’t want to live. if he hadn’t done that i would not have have to make the decision to move so far away from my kids. and he said he would help with plane tickets, but funny thing, when it came time to buy them – he was broke. fucker! i also know that if he hadn’t drug me to vegas, i might not have met don and then where would i be? this just sucks. it just sucks and sucks and sucks.

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