I have decided that God loves me – that he cares about my health and well-being and that he wants me to go to Heaven. I am sure that I am supposed to be good and that I am supposed to try to win people to the kingdom and save their immortal souls. Another thing I am sure of is that God doesn’t give a shit about my pocket book, my job, my car, he doesn’t care if a quarterback scores a winning goal, a b-ball player the winning basket, he doesn’t care if you get a good grade on a test. Everyone tries to tell me that God the almighty creator of the universe is concerned about my day to day. WHATEVER! Be patient, hang in there, hold onto your faith, don’t give up when your miracle – breakthrough – met need – healing could be just around the corner, just after the next test, just over the next fucking mountain.
We have been on the verge of losing everything, even were homeless for several days, in limbo and fucking starving for months. I’m tired of using all this energy to believe that some almighty God is worried enough about me that he will provide for me. Maybe if my needs were basic, maybe. God provided the Isrealites with manna and their shoes never wore out – he didn’t pay their mortgages or car payments, he made the same food appear day after day after day after day. He didn’t make sure they had enough money to pay for th