When I was a kid my favorite Sunday school song was This Little Light of Mine. I love the thought of letting the light shine through you, of being a beacon of hope in a world of darkness.
I have always felt like a ray of sunshine. I have always been a positive person, the kind of person determined to find good in others, to find good in every situation. I believe in being good and kind to others, taking personal responsibility for your actions and being accountable for your mistakes. I believe in giving where I can, taking care of myself and my family and I believe in the power of prayer and I think it is simply amazing the things God will do in a life with just the tiniest bit of faith.
I believe in miracles.
I believe in love.
I believe in the power or persistence and I think you can do all things that you believe you can. I believe there is power in your thoughts, your words and your laugh.
Lately though, I feel like my little light is being slowly blown out. Actually blown out doesn’t accurately describe it. It feels like it is being suffocated; as if my little light, the one that has sustained me for so long, that has been a defining characteristic of my life, is alone in a pitch black room that someone is slowly draining of oxygen so that the light is getting dimmer and dimmer by the day.
As the light gets dimmer, my view of the world darkens, my hope drains, my empathy disintegrates into apathy, my love for my fellow man evaporates into nothing, my faith shrivels and my happiness vanishes. My desire to make a difference in the world, no matter how big or small, wanes to nothingness. I feel as if I am becoming a bitter, sad, indifferent, easily breakable shell of the vibrant, strong, happy person I once was.
I have given hours and hours of thought to what has changed, to why I would feel as though my light is going out.
The first thing that came to mind is that I have never been a fan of watching the news. I have always felt like they reported only the worst news and not much, if any, of the good stuff – the real stuff – that makes up our everyday lives. Watching the news has always had a negative effect on me. I don’t watch the news, I don’t read the newspaper. I have had friends ask me about major national events and I have had no clue what they were talking about. I catch snippets of the headlines on the radio and my internet homepage is set to cnn.com so I see the headlines daily, but rarely do I actually read any of the stories.
I don’t follow politics because no one in politics is honest, no one truly cares about the people who elect them and I don’t believe that much of anything you and I do makes any difference at all – November’s election leaves no doubt in my mind that this is true.
I don’t dwell in the book of Revelations or spend time watching / listening to end times or worst case scenario programs. If I had the ability to know the date and time of my death, I’d never look at it.
Some people will say that it is irresponsible of me to avoid the news this way. I disagree. We are not all gifted with the same talents and strengths. Some of us are created to be way makers, world changers, warriors, fighters, big deal difference makers. But others of us were created for a quieter effect. We are the peacekeepers, the ones who encourage, the ones who teach, the ones who heal, who comfort. There are many types of people and the world requires all of us to function.
Warriors would be hard pressed to continue to fight if they were to spend all their time in warm, comfortable settings and their spirits would be stifled, they would be dis-satisfied. Way-makers would find it difficult to find satisfaction in an easy world where everything went their way. Debaters would not