It’s Friday. I’m exhausted and emotional. There are so many things bouncing around in my head and I can’t seem to get myself centered or still.
Some things I have come to know about myself over the past few months.
~ I do not believe in forever.
~ I do not believe in happily ever after.
~ I am not as optimistic as I once was.
~ I am not as resilient as I once was.
~ At my core, I am a cold, selfish bitch with a mile wide mean streak.
~ I miss having fun.
~ I don’t do things I’d really love to do. Things like camping, fishing, bonfires, mudding, four-wheeling, Christmas parties, birthday parties, picnics in the park, riding bikes, taking my kids skating, to the beach, to the zoo, on vacation, spontaneous long drives to visit friends and meet new people.
~ I am sick to fucking death of struggling… with myself, with my weight, with money, with ex’s, with who I am vs. who I want to be.
~ I am disappointed with where I am at this point in my life, professionally and personally. I thought, for sure, I’d be a better grown up by now.
~ It pisses me off beyond belief that I am 36 years old and I do not drive a car I enjoy driving, do not live in a house I enjoy keeping, cannot have a bank account and my license is suspended over a $1200 ticket from over 4 years ago.
~ I feel like I am living someone else’s life…